<SarahinAlaska>

About a month ago, I bid farewell to New Zealand. It was harder than I thought, saying goodbye to a group of amazing people that I had the good fortune to call friends. Saying goodbye to a country I could have easily called home was just as hard. I loved just about everything about the place and I'll carry a bit of it with me wherever I go.

Back in Homer, things are upended. Some idiot (me) thought it would be a great idea to sell our living room furniture before we left so we didn't have to store anything and so that we'd feel propelled into completing the home renovation we kept saying we'd do. I didn't think about what it would look like before we got around to said renovation - because starting a new career and starting a new dental practice are time consuming things. So for now, if you're coming to visit us, bring a chair.

We started Pea at the school down the hill. What a gift that was. The teachers and administration have been amazing at welcoming our girl and setting her up for success. I've been so impressed with how they've handled things and beyond impressed with her new teacher. I count our family lucky.

So, we've turned our living room into a play space. Hunter's spending more time with his kids than he has in the past few years. This working for yourself thing is working for our family. It's great for him, it's great for the kids, it's great for me.

I'm busy waiting on a Real Estate license to arrive from Anchorage - if they deem me acceptable enough to join their ranks. Frustratingly, I'm back to stalking mailboxes. That seems to be my lot in life. When I was born the universe declared that I should have to wait, due to high volumes or unforeseen circumstances or for new laws to be enacted for good things to arrive in the mail. In the end, they always do but not after I've run the full emotional gamut of waiting. In my private misery, they are:

I can't even begin to document the crazy that was waiting for my K-1 Visa. I was ditching the corporate world to move to bush Alaska. I was so excited. I could NOT WAIT for that visa to arrive.

It's been a week. Why haven't I heard anything? Shouting, "come ooooon" at my computer screen as I press refresh on whatever agency's Web site for the third time in an hour.

In this phase I try to come up with reasons why I won't get approved for whatever visa or license I'm after. If I look hard enough, I can always deem myself unworthy. This phase usually ends with a bottle of wine and a reality check from a patient friend.

If you're wondering why I'm feeling crazy these days, I'm in the throes of stage 4 panic while waiting for this license. Sorry new guy at Kachemak Real Estate and thank you for talking me down in your awesome Aussie accent. Sorry mom's new boyfriend for asking you if you were high the very first time I talked to you on the phone.

I did all my training, I paid lots of money, now where iiiiiis it? This phase isn't pretty, either. I won't say what's involved because I'm still in the throes of phase 4 and "they" might be reading this.

My visa will never come and I'm doomed to a life of stalking my mailbox for something that will never come. All joy has been sucked out of life as I wait for something that will never be. My hopes and dreams are crushed. I am but a shell of my former self.

Despite feeling dead inside, there's a lingering hope that today might be the day! My mail is delivered at 1:00 p.m. This lingering hope vanishes at 1:01 every day and somehow tries to rekindle itself overnight.

But alas! What is this envelope in the mail, addressed to ME!!! Could it be?!? Could it actually be???

So for now, as I wait for the lovely gals in Anchorage to fish my application from the file, I haunt Story Real Estate's office. I've spent my days plotting and planning my new career and trying to get the Bluetooth speakers to play calming, reassuring tunes.

Home.